Playlist: May 2017

May (not the prime minister) lived up to its sunshine and showers. Everything suddenly bloomed, full boughs of lilac and sweet yellow gorse. What was it Morton said about flowers? The thing about flowers is their monstrosity; the fact that they just grow regardless. It’s in their genetics; there’s not always a reason. Some days were so hot you could feel your face melt. When I laugh sometimes it’s like tasting peaches, though god knows are they even in season yet? Is it okay to laugh yet? The only thing I learned in a year / where I didn’t smile much not really…Ah Laura, she gets you every time. Walking around pinning two points of one’s lips to either side of one’s face, the smile is a fixture of attire that one can drop as soon as the customers aren’t looking. Customers…But then walking out the door, in the street; what is the etiquette to performing for these people? What if I bump into someone I know and they’re like what are you so happy about when you’re not even happy at all? When it is very sunny and there are things to look forward to, happiness perhaps comes naturally. Walk with confidence. Is that some maternal trick? The illusion of sanity…This was a month of giving presentations, of writing bibliographies, of procrastinating like crazy. Everything falling away. There used to be sense to everything happening but now it sprawls outwards, endlessly reaching for that elusive rivulet that sluices away beyond the grasp of my feeble mind. At night, I finely chop celery and listen carefully as if hearing dubstep through the walls. The tree outside my window has finally flourished. Everything green and clear. Maybe nice enough to listen to Arthur Russell, Love is Overtaking Me. If I was in a field, ears pressed the soft earth, listening for the corn…Aliens sweep through the universe. I look west like Kerouac, I fall about east in search for another city. Really I don’t leave my room. Seduced by songs from Barcelona; later, SWANS gave me the religious extravagance of sense-splitting sound. Sound you let literally wash over you, every wave of it carving invisible nicks in the skin, shuddering the ice in one’s glass to a petrified tinkle. Someone is still playing a flute beneath a weeping willow, two feet in the turquoise water. Someone is crying under a lilac tree, clutching a miniature bottle of Johnny Walker. There’s like, a whole lot of stuff in a month. I cut off like, half my hair. Nostalgia trips to 2007. I had to return that Jameson book with the red cover that looked so good propping up some pots of aloe vera. Nourishing crushes by starlight on the walk home from several gigs with one’s ears ringing with resonant echoes of songs once forgotten. What do I love about each face? What do I love about the window, the pattern on the sandstone, the feel of the cool leaves in the rain. The smell of all these blossoms, the sight of dog daisies lining the motorway. Spring rain is so luxurious. Hoping to stumble upon someone I know, night-lurking as I am. I feel like I’m falling into East Coker, Eliot in my head when I should be reading Keats or whatever. O dark dark dark. They all go into the dark. Six in the morning is nice to walk home in; the daylight burns like a glitch in the brain, so every vision is a flicker and the impending sleep will satisfy no element of consciousness if spent alone. You have to go with the thing that leaps in your chest like some terrible, thrilling foreign force. Elements.  Filling my room with NatureWave for the purpose of what…free-writing, dreaming? Already Twin Peaks is consuming the shadows of reality and I see the weirdness in the corner of things. We have entered the time of Gemini. Soon it will be June/is it already? I may or may not have listened to any of these songs, for various reasons.

Mungo’s Hi Fi – Spring Shower Dub

Pronto Mama – All Your Insides

Ultimate Painting – Central Park Blues

Withered Hand – After the Rain

Spinning Coin – Raining on Hope Street

Slow Dive – Star Roving

The Cribs – I’m a Realist

The Mamas and Papas – California Dreamin’

C Duncan – Like You Do (Babe Remix)

Letherette – Cartoon Haunt

Severed Heads – Dead Eyes Opened

Talking Heads – (Nothing But) Flowers

Francobollo – Kinky Lola

Lana Del Rey – Coachella / Woodstock in My Mind

The Cactus Blossoms – Powder Blue

Laps – All the Kids

Marika Hackman – Violet

Fazerdaze – Shoulders

Chromatics – Shadow

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